Saturday, June 27, 2009.

its back again........

its haunting me again.......


shit.




i wish i can just sleep forever in that dream...

like a fairytale...

and save me from this world...




but just like MJ...

it created an impact to my life.

like a new chapter in my life...


even if your gone....you live in me forever...

{ 8:50 AM }

Friday, June 19, 2009.

the father=child bond is so strong in animals...

how come its nt always thesame in humans?

Male marmosets in South America not only carry, feed, and groom their twin babies (pictured, a baby black-tailed marmoset with its mother in a Tokyo zoo), they may even act as "midwives" during birth, grooming and licking the newborns.

Marmoset dads may be so involved because of the high cost of birth for the mother, whose unborn babies eventually make up 25 percent of her body weight—equal to a 120-pound (55-kilogram) woman giving birth to a 30-pound (14-kilogram) infant.





any happy early father's day=D

we ate buffet[ohmigod-FAT]to celebrate- my dad's ideal meal


but we enjoyed ourselves...

{ 9:45 AM }

my escape from reality...






i spent mornings and evenings in such a remote place.
surprising...
i didnt get bored of it...



i saw insects
i saw bees
i saw golden retrievers
and i even saw White Breasted Kingfisher>< ( Halcyon Smyrnensis)


they are such fascinating,pretty creatures...
their colour is enough to awe me...
plus...their gracefulness when they glide~ *0.0*








there goes 1 week of my holiday~


















photoshop pros...

{ 4:56 AM }

Tuesday, June 16, 2009.

sometimes......


im just finding a reason why im still here.

standing.

breathing.




whatever i do...it wasnt good enough for you...
you keep eating away my pride...
you keep eating away my self esteem...
whats left of me?




my looks...
my grades...
my everything....wasnt good enough




i tried to starved myself for you...
fat fat fat...you always call me that
i hate that word... i hate the fact that it existed

but no matter how much i tried to starved myself b4...
it just doesnt turn out the same...
i can NEVER b anoxeric... even though i want to...
im so sorry im ugly...
i cant help it...
i dun want to be like this...
i really never wanted to be ugly...

im so f ckng pissed off when i hear that....
on top of that...
i can hear something inside of me come crashing down on me...like waves...
i feel like dying.
just ending it.
right now.
in front of your eyes.
like a worthlss piece of shit...
fading away.
perhaps your lovely amos can be a good replacement of me...
save the money that you actually intended to spend for the rest of my life...
and spend it on hes life...
he's life is worth that cash....not mine


2ndly
i studied so that im not so far behind my oh-so-smart-brain brother...
thats how my grades improved suddenly in secondary school...
i have to study...
i have to actually do something i hate...
just so that u have the face to compare my grades w my cousin's...


in the end........
wats the worth...


you always say that hes from what sch...and...
what school am i from?

come on...

i know... even i myself...cant lie to myself...
you never appreciated my grades..
you never took time to understand me...
therefore...you never will
commuinication breakdown...
i so fed up of hearing your shrieks





FINE

IM BORN STUPID....what can i do...

i tried...i really tried...



im tired of trying....
i hate it
i hate being compared...
i hate my brother for being so perfect...
yea...
hes tall...
im fuckingshort.....like some weird short duckling quacking away...
hes smart...
im dumb...
hes perfect...
what am i?
who am i?
what am talented at?-nothing.
you're right...nothing.....

then in the 1st place...
WHY WAS I BORN?
i shouldnt be born...
you should have just suffocated me when i was just the size of a loaf of bread...



than...
i wouldn have to go through all this...











shut up.......

i hate to hate to be home.

i hate to fake the smile

i hate to talk so that i seemed normal

i hate thinking about these unhappy things

i hate to look at myself in the mirror

i hate to look at my brother without looking at hes perfections

i hate to be concealed.


this is the only way i show myself.

{ 8:16 AM }

Monday, June 15, 2009.

holiday and past few weeks in pictures...


our drawings on a borin java lecture^^


a lovebite from a mosquito that woke me 1 morning-.-





the another trip to msia...





SPAM SECRET RECIEPE CHEESECAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!












the carls junior burger as compared to my bro's face...



dear god...
its me again...

save me from me.

the sea that holds memories...

{ 6:25 PM }

Saturday, June 06, 2009.

went to watch hannah montana w yokleng lemin joanna vivian edward wenkai daryl...

i freakin like hoedown throwdown=DDDDDDD

its freakin nice........

thx for guys for acc me to watch this
appreciated it soooooooooo much
^^










sometimes life is so like shit.

feel so small
so depressed...

assignments and tests...

its drowning my life...
its killing the sunshine...

just the cold rainy day left...

{ 8:34 AM }

Saturday, May 23, 2009.

friday.......went to delifrance to eat...........






chessy whatever....SO FREAKIN NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pieces of mushrooms drowned in a pool of melted cheese~




than after tt....

i saw this when i was fetchin my bro.....

its a HUGE ENORMOUS GIGANTIC poster right smack in front of my pri sch gate><

wtf...

i see

my pri sch friend rachel...and my another pri sch friend artica or something...

than the white girl...freakin familar...

than i took a close look.....

WTF

its me -.-

sooooooooooooo freakin NERD-.-




yesterday...
went to my bro sch for open house and to psycho aaron to b more hardworking to enter amos's sch..

and got a free frisbee =DDD

in the evenin when we went tomy grandma place...they digged out some pics of my bro and i when we were young....


we were so WHITE-.- and fat
so bai bai pang pang-.-







btw............when i was playing tracks of m tears................

MY MUM SAY ADAM LAMBERT V HANDSOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!


duh......he is a handsome gay...

my mum was devasted when i told him hes gay-.-

lol...i was devasted myself when i found out hes gay too
><



are all the gays really so good looking?
or are they good looking because they are gay?

{ 7:19 PM }

Tuesday, May 19, 2009.

to recap.......

10 may went to cousin house to celebrate amos bday w them..




and the many many times we ate subway........bcos of the 5.90 discount=DDD
ate it almost every weekend ><

typical singaporeans~

notice tt the end of the straw is sealed>< freakin cute lol


today evening
took a break from my extremely hectic schedule and went for a ride to sembawang park...


my beautiful bike=D




seriously....you can see msia from here man...no wonder its only 1.5 km away~


GOT MONKEY LEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! on the tree...but an aggresive one...
*scared*


my secret spot to enjoy the view... the pretty nature...
forever young
forever beautiful
forever smelling fresh
the minty cool air that rushes to yr cheeks, melting the sweat trickling the yr face~
love tt feeling man!!!




and its this creature tt i have to stop my bike for...freakin alot la><




whoever told you singapore waters are dirty...

well

i guess they nv seen the other side of nature yet...
the waters are so clear and blue...you can even see the rocks >< !!!

{ 5:27 AM }

Sunday, May 17, 2009.

am i v unlikeable?



sry la










i have a low EQ

to me...

some things are better left unsaid...
most things... in fact
people wont get to feel the way i feel
they are so perfect all the time...
wat do they know?
do they ever feel that same way i feel?
i doubt so

they never felt it that way...
and they never will...

how can life be so cruel....
yet sweet at the same time?


i know im blessed w a complete sweet small better than average family...
i really appreciate it...
my family...
always there for me...
even when i was a jerk
even when i talked back and argue to them
even when i vent out my anger on them
even when i destroyed their stuff
even when i never returned their stuff
even when i ate up all their cookies
even when i gobbled all their dumplings...and they were left with fishballs...
even when i refused to speak to them
even when i drowned myself into my music and ignored their advices...'

they never left me...



how can love be so strong?
wasnt it fragile?
wasnt it as thin as a piece of tissue?



how can life feel so confusing?

{ 2:24 AM }

Thursday, May 14, 2009.

a year.

{ 8:30 AM }

Monday, May 11, 2009.

ARGHHHHHHHHHH

shitz

im so not in a good mood man....







my audio in my com is nt working


the UAA n the audio bus><





i cnt listen to music!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what is life without music?















yesterday...went to watch star trek w my dad in downtown east.....
not tt bad as i thought...^^



my guess is...this is probably the last few chances that i get to watch movies with my dad...

judging on my school projects and stuffs....

i hate the fact that a actually spend more time in school than at home... i fucking hate it...



i hate it when i see other families falling apart because of money,
i hate it when families fall apart because of pride,
i hate it when families fall apart because of popularity,
i hate it when families fall apart because of one person.


i dun want my family to fall apart...
afraid...that everyone in the family goes seperate ways...
i am...

{ 5:57 AM }

Saturday, May 09, 2009.

scrap book for mother's day =DDD

also my bro's bday...........


my dad bougth him a nike b ball.............SO EX man-.-

{ 7:12 PM }

Thursday, May 07, 2009.

just now...........

school ended at 2pm...

finally...


a early day to end school^^


went to play pool w some of the class guys and yokeleng....



1st time playin ><


my fingers...are really short...

my legs...are really really short.....


SAD THANG....


play chinese songs somemore...even worst............

my hatred for chinese songs are...

unestimatable...indescribeable..... and to the extreme end of hate.



haix......



at least pool...quite ok lor...

but i will nv gt addicted to it...

{ 6:13 AM }

Saturday, May 02, 2009.

may day absolutely rocks hell out of my shit man!
even though the traffic was so heavy in msia....(it jammed all the way to sg-.-)
it was quite a nice day...=D


moi parents

et moi
in british india's changin room...

my starchy kenny roger lunch^^

mum's lunch

aaron's lunch

our london fish dinner><

half eaten><


today went for early mother's day buffet w my grandma.....
didn took much pics of the food...
i was

busy STARVING myself w all the dim sum tts on the table~



my SUPER HIGH ice cream....
the whole middle layer
is
PEPPERMINt><
im absolutely drowning myself in a galaxy of food><

its a buffet...need a say more?

I FINALLY GOT A BIKE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i was head over heels...knocked out><
my cousin sean's leg was getting too long for the bike....
guess
MY SHORT LEGS FINALLY PUTS ITSEF TO GOOD USE=D

but i promised my dad...i wont ride it on the roads...in the morning....
so i guess...it aint the way i expected it to be...haix*

{ 6:51 AM }

Saturday, April 25, 2009.

Your beauty is beyond compare
With flaming locks of auburn hair
With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green
Your smile is like a breath of spring
Your voice is soft like summer rain
And I cannot compete with you, jolene



if jolene ever existed in my life...

i would wither away like a fallen rose...\











yesterday watched okto saturday night

french movie man!!!!!!!!1111


the angel face boy sing like angel man >><<


hope his voice still damn nice after voice break><

{ 7:56 PM }

Wednesday, April 22, 2009.

my unsweetened green bean soup........
1st try...
=D
not bad...
ITS EDIBLE!!!!!!!!
at least i can survive on green bean soup if im dumped at home alone =D
but...its seriously damn unsweet...even though i put 9 rocks of brown sugar -.-


my cousin house view...




see the inconsiderate PPL WHO JUST throw their trolley into the river......
FUCK SHIT the ppl><
INCONSIDERATE PEOPLE...
inconsiderate....


the pasir ris mangrove...





my 1st campbell soup=D
and my 1st EXTREMELY CHAODA EGG(the black 1 i make 1)
ITS SO SHIT tt its inedible-.-






and my collection of chicken soup =D







a black rose in my grandma house.......

how pretty and sweet black is...





met up w syl on 9 april....EXACTLY ON HER BDAY =D

a happy occasion...


been so long since we met....2 of us...
just...us...

and i passed her the homer simpson i crocheted for sara bday......



BOTH OF THEM ARE 18 NOW.......


-.-

so good~


amos posing w the simpson...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!















--------------------------------------------------------------------------
i hate school

i officially declare...

I HATE SCHOOL

I HATE THE EARLY MORNING

I HATE THAT FIXED TIMING

I HATE IT MAN.......

but......at least the timetable this term is better....so....=X

{ 3:57 AM }

Tuesday, April 14, 2009.

my cousin send me this vid




this guy damn damn cool

{ 8:20 PM }

Wednesday, April 08, 2009.

my dad sent me this email

I just received this message from a colleague. I don’t know the source of the message; I also don’t know the credibility of the content, but just beware.

Below is the content on the message:

“Hello there. I just wanted 2 let you know that please stay away from the beaches all around in the month of July. There is a prediction that there will be another tsunami hitting on July 22nd. It is also when there will be sun eclipse. Predicted that it is going 2 be really bad and countries like Malaysia (Sabah & Sarawak), Singapore, Maldives, Australia, Mauritius, Si Lanka, India, Indonesia, Philippines are going 2 be badly hit. Please try and stay away from the beaches in July. Better 2 be safe than sorry. Please pass the word around. Please also pray for all beings.”













i swear.... recently...i think 3 weeks back...
i had a dream where singapore got tsunami...
and than this email....><

i hav a funny feeling tt what happened in my dream will occur...

AHHH ><

{ 7:40 PM }

Sunday, April 05, 2009.

who would hav thought...

this beautiful scenary...

can be such a disgustin sight of pollutants and SHIT


stop polluting the environment!!!!!!!!!
isnt the environment POLLUTED ENOUGH FOR you...
look at the stupid weather...
you dun even know its goin to rain anot...

SOME SHIT THING><



on sunday...after church...


i actually ate 2 pieces of HUGE GIGANTIC pieces of chicken in BBQ CHICKEN...
i hate to say but...i really like the crisp......
its so.... like cookie...fried cookie><

but the chicken is SO HUGEEEEEEEEEE like... bigger than the size of my clutched fist><

yesterday yesterday... went to see david Archuleta w lemin =D
HESSSSSSS SOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!!!!!!!



















if only there are more of this type of guys........caring...thoughtful...sweet...not pervertic...educated...talented... the world will be a much better place....

but who cares now... im not done breathing this air of freedom=D

{ 3:05 AM }

Tuesday, March 31, 2009.

amanda mah..........


you are SO going to get in shape......


swimming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


evening walks!!!!!!!
the breeze of the natural wind is absent but...at least the colours are present=D



but my skin just couldn't stop peeling......



and i couldn't stop resisting temptations from the chocolates in the fridge~
and the muffins in the cake shop~
and the chocolate walnut butter cake my dad bought which is so god damn heavenly~
and the carls junior that my bro and i walk past by (AND I STILL GO LARGE WTF)
and the peanut butter wafer scent when i walked past prima deli
and the kueh my ahyi bought
and the nonya kueh and the curry in my dad's collegue's wedding buffet(BUFFET SOMEMORE)
and the 3kg tub of honey from australia
and the daily dosage of chocolate marshmellow cake every morning
and the cheesy pizza from pizza hut...the smell...
and the minty ice scream in wafer everytime the ice cream man's bell rings
and the taste of nutella~
and the subway cookies that cost only 2.90 for 3.....double choco....white chip macademia~


OMG...

damn long list...

im so guilty for this... im fat enough already!!!!!















AHHHHHH~ how i wish my metabolism is like my mum...
or im just a tinie winnie little bit taller than i am now...

than i wouldn b so _ _ _.
the 3 letter word that girls fear most and guys hate most.



this holiday i haven been exercisin much...........
evening walks down the blocks...
swimmin once a wk...mayb twice...mayb none...


just...plainly enjoyin mayself in the admist of yarns and food...and books...and evening walks to think about my life,the peace of music and lyrics...and watching tons of movies......and spending money......


made this....some are gifts...some are just tryouts...






wrote this on my bro's shirt too ;p


eventually..it became mine =D

{ 7:57 AM }

its been a while since we last saw each other........




i swear to god i LOVE the banana family TO THE CORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
























really nice hangin out w you guys........

just being crazy n wild.............

just being ourselves and having fun...

just like before...

missed those sec sch life...


if only we can go back in time...


but


life goes on...
today's a gift
tomorrow's a mystery.

this is the song written by the hands of god...and i really thank god for them =D


hope to hang out w banana family again =D

{ 2:28 AM }

Monday, March 23, 2009.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

my favourite song when i was in pri schooll............



I RUSH HOME JUST TO LISTEN TO THIS SONG EVERYDAY.......
only this song for 1 period of time..........

those sweet memories~aww><

dad just got out of radin mas pri.......goin to study at NTU........
ITS BEEN A WHILE SINCE MY DAD REACHED HOME so early TO EAT DINNER w us =D
its like...
these old familar feelings and memories.....
just came back...



if only...i can go back in time...

if only...time could just stop for us to cherish those precious moments...

if..

{ 8:02 AM }